Is there anything worse than being told you’re not good enough?

“Nice guys finish last
You’re running out of gas
Your sympathy will get you left behind”
.
.
.
I wish I could take back every unappreciated kindness, every unreciprocated favour & all of the time I’ve spent making an effort for people who turn out to be selfish pricks.
So many people want something for nothing & I’m the mug who gives it to them under the naive delusion that they may value me enough as a person to make it a mutual agreement.

Brain: “you got this!” to “FUCK THIS SHIT” in 0.02 seconds. 

Blah

Everything feels pointless

Some days I forget it happened. This is not one of those days.

I feel like shite

This weekend I have mainly been over-thinking, over-checking, procrastinating, contemplating my ability to achieve anything useful in life & cursing my painfully short attention span.

Ever have one of those days where you can’t decide what to do with yourself so you just flop back into bed 2 hours after you got out of it to contemplate where your life went so wrong & wonder if you’re ever going to be able to turn it around before you waste away from lack of use.
No? Just me? Ok then.

What if it’s never ok?

Nothing is going the way I want it to go

I wish you knew . I wish you would listen . I wish you would ask.

Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to look about her, and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried to look down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see anything.

Down, down, down. Would the fall never come to an end? “I wonder how many miles I’ve fallen by this time?” she said aloud. … ” I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth.”

#goodbyefeelings 👍
#goodbyecreativity👎

So done with being a nobody & struggling endlessly to succeed.

Forever feeling the frustration of putting myself out there & getting fuck all in return.

I have all these good ideas & then, “BAM!” Here’s an unhealthy dosage of self-doubt, followed by 1000mgs of zero motivation, 2000mgs of “what’s the point?” All blended into a ‘nobody-gives-a-shit-about-what-you-do-anyway’ smoothie & washed down with a spoonful of ‘kill yourself’.

Ever have one of those nights … mornings … where you can’t sleep because you’re thinking of everything all at? And the excitement at the possibilities turns to terror when the thought of making the wrong decisions enters your mind & how you could get to where you want to be & still not be happy. So you go on your phone to try to distract yourself from the swirling vortex of self-hatred & doubt, & end up looking up how to move to Canada & solo travelling & now everything seems impossible again & you still can’t sleep & now you’re sad af?
#okjustme #insomnia #killmenow

You ever get so overwhelmed by the endless possibilities that you feel like you can’t breathe?

Yo neurons, chill out for a bit.

What’s it all for though?.

Do you ever have those nights when your brain just won’t SHUT THE FUCK UP?

So done with this eternal emptiness

#anxiety

I don’t know what I’m doing.

“Life?”
“Yeah”